So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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