I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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