Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Randomize
