what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
