it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
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I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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