It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize