I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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