You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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