At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
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