Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
