Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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