Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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