I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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