Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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