i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
