the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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