What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.