i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you guys were way drunker than both of me
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people