I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.