do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i would punch a child for taco bell
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?