I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
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