I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
