So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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