I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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