You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
