I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
