Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
