Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Randomize
