Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
