I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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