He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
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Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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