she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Randomize
