someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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