Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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