Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
