I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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