i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
