The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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