rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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