You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
