Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
