i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just googled if crying burns calories
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
