Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
