why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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