I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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