Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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