meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
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So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
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We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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