My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
