my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
