Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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