there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
