ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
