Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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