i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
