PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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