I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
