I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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