you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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