I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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