I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
