Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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