Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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