his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
