he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
