Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
