i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I could fuck to npr.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Damn victory sex feels great
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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