all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You ruined the universe
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
